Posted by: kcgadiyar | October 14, 2008

The Unsolicited Advice Column

This is a new thing i am trying on a regular (meaning whenever i feel like it) basis. India has plenty of newspapers, most of these newspapers have an advice column, ALL of these advice columns have at least one very, very strange question. I will answer the advice seekers quandary in my own way.

For the first edition, i am taking 2 questions from “The Beat” which is the in-house magazine from “Cafe Coffee Day”. These are actual questions paraphrased since i don’t have the paper in front of me. But the spirit of the questions is 100% true, in order words, i am not making this up.

Q: I broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago, since then we have had no contact. No phone calls, no e-mails, not even an SMS. For some reason, this is bothering me. Why?

My answer: Dear Dazed and Confused. I am confused by your question, especially the “I broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago” part. You broke up, move on, end of story. If you can’t move on, you just devolve into the stalker from “Darr” and will eventually end up killing her husband.
Life is too short, normal human life expectancy is 75 years. You have wasted 3 months of that pining for a girl who you “Broke up” with. I will give you the example of a Mr.Keemo who falls for a new girl everyday.
So, my advice to you is “GET A LIFE”, go out, watch a movie, “The Dark Knight” is particularly recommended, read a good book, have a cold coffee.
If all else fails, try going to the 3rd floor, i hear the sights are better from that altitude. Who knows, you may also be struck by inspiration.

In case you still can’t let go, here is some motivation

Q: I have a problem. I had 4 girlfriends. The first one i broke up with because she overheard me talking to a friend that i was only “having fun”. The second one broke up with me because she was “only having fun”. The third one was the love of my life, but she left me too. The 4th one who i am with currently with has a similar past to me. Should we get together?

A: Dear Serial Flirt, Are you kidding me? The first one was perfect for you, you should find her and get back together. I mean, she is what caused you to go after so many other girls, so its only fitting that she is where you stop. I mean, i know true love when i see it (or read about it). So, i am serious, go back to number 1. Now!!!

Until the next edition,


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