Posted by: kcgadiyar | August 15, 2009

People @ the movies

I watch a lot of movies (if that is not already evident by a new review almost every week), and i try to watch as many movies as possible in the theatre. I like watching movies on the big screen for a number of reasons, main being the whole spectacle that most movies can only derive on the big screen.
But i am also an extremely unlucky person when it comes to people sitting next to me. If i am travelling on a train, it will always be an old man with a very bad snoring problem who will have the seat next to me. Similarly, i have had my share of strange people who have sat in the seats next, behind or in front of me through my many forays to the movies. Before starting the list, i would like to say that i dont have a problem with people hooting at the entry of the hero or heroine, in fact the movie “Halla Bol” which i saw at TI Indore, was saved for me by a random member of the audience who during a scene in which Vidya Balan is trying to knock open a door suddenly screamed “Manjulika”, it was the best part of the whole movie. So, with that said, here is presenting the list of “Why the hell are you in the theatre”

1. The crying kid:

Baby

I agree

I am proposing a general rule for cinemas: “Kids below the age of 3 not permitted”. I dont know what parents gain by bringing kids below that age to movies. It is not like they will remember the movie in any capacity, the movie timings will almost invariably clash with the nap timings, and worser yet, the kids will wake up in the middle of the movie to find themselves in a dark room surrounded by strangers and start bawling their eyes out. At this point, most parents will take the kid out of the auditorium until he/she calms down and then come back in only to repeat the process again 10 minutes later.

Specific Instance: This was during the movie “New York”, and i got a seat right behind a family of 4 seated on 2 seats. Thats right, it was a double whammy, half my movie watching experience was ruined by the mom and the dad of the family taking the kids out to finish crying. In fact, the father actually watched half the movie standing at the exit with his kid resting on his shoulder. Please people, next time, leave your kids home.

2. The screaming group of kids:

Like this, but louder

Like this, but louder

We all know this one, you have come to watch a movie which can be considered a childrens film “Kung Fu Panda” “Wall-E” etc. Well, the neighbourhood kids gang also decided to have a outing to the theatre and ruin everyones movie by screaming out loud during EVERY. SINGLE. SCENE.

Specific Instance: “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”, i saw this in IMAX, so the first 15 minutes were in 3-D. A group of 8-10 kids was in the row right behind me, and throughout the 3D part of the movie they were excitedly screaming. Then the movie became pretty dark, there were spells which looked like some kind of spectral attack, sudden jolts in the music etc. and then the kids were screaming because they were scared. And, i think it was more of a group effect, if the kids were alone, i am pretty sure this would have been less.

3. Age/Sensibility inappropriate:

Abhishek Bachchan and John Abraham are WHAT??

Abhishek Bachchan and John Abraham are WHAT??

This happens a lot, its when movies are family outings, you get the strangest audience. This category does not bother the other viewers, but its interesting to see what they thought of the movie once it was over.

Specific Instance: A huge family of like 10 people, including what looked like the Grandpa and Grandma (who must have easily been 70) and the kids (ages maybe 10), had come to watch, of all movies “Dostana”. I wonder what the conversations were during the drive home.

4. Language problem
:

Strangely, the kannada part of this sign is perfect without any mistakes.

Strangely, the kannada part of this sign is almost perfect.

The movie is specified to be in a given language, if you dont know the language, stay out of the movie. Or wait till the movie is dubbed into that language.

Specific Instance: This guy from Karnataka went to watch the movie Spider-Man 3 in Bhojpuri in Gorakhpur (after having watched it in English in Lucknow) just for the curiosity. Wait a minute…..   that was me. Sorry, another instance, this group of 7 people (4 Tams, 2 Kannadigas and a Mallu) of which only one person had a pretty good knowledge of Hindi went to watch “Jodhaa Akbar”…. wait, that was my group again, i was playing translator to my friends throughout the movie due to the Urdu used generously in the movie. But, we all knew what we were going to watch.

The actual specific instance recently happened to me, again in “Harry Potter 6”. There was a couple behind me, the girl of the couple did not know English, so every dialogue was translated for her by her (assuming)boyfriend in Telugu. So, i got 2 movies for the price of one, Harry Potter in both English and Telugu. Who comes into an English movie without knowing English??

5. The Dimwit:

I mean the Turkey, since they have small brains.

I mean the Turkey, since they have small brains.

These people are asking the person they came with every small thing that pops into their mind during the movie. “Why is that person shooting the other person?” (Because one is the hero and the other is the villain dumbass), and in the process are spoiling the movie for everyone around.

Specific Instance: During “Kaminey” the couple next to me had this problem. Since the first 30 odd minutes is pretty tough to grasp, the girl kept bugging the guy with her questions. Thankfully, they left during the interval, thus sparing me from commiting manslaughter in self defence.

6. The hero:

Even the bird agrees

Even the bird agrees

This is the cool dude who has come with 3-4 girls in a group and needs to show off. So he will spout random trivia about the movie (most of the time this trivia will be wrong) just so that he can be noticed.

Specific Instance: “Quantum of Solace”, this guy behind me was, throughout the movie, educating the girls he was with on (wrong) Bond Trivia. From claiming that “Quantum of Solace” is based on the most recent bond book, to claiming that it is the only movie whose title is directly taken from the books (wrong on both counts). The girls, for their part, looked completely uninterested.

And last but not the least,
7. Movie, what movie:

Nothing to see here, move along

Nothing to see here, move along

This is those couples who just want time alone in the dark confines of a theatre, the movie and the whole audience is secondary.

Specific Instance: “Spider Man”, me and my friends had gone to watch this in Mangalore, we had seats in the corner in the penultimate row. The last row was occupied by medical students who had just finished their exams. Do i really need to tell you why we kept getting bothered during the movie? I thought not.

So that is a list off the top of my head, i am sure there are more examples of people who shouldn’t come to movies, but i am yet to encounter them.

Until Next Time,
K.C.G

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Responses

  1. […] I did a search on WordPress and found other bloggers who had similar experiences: kcgadiyar – like me – also writes about this. […]

  2. Dude,

    The ones that irritate me the most:
    a) A: “What was the joke?” B: “See, he said this because she said this. And this can be taken as this-this in this context. Hence they laughed.” A:”Ha Ha Ha Ha”
    Specific instance: Many actually. But off the top of my head recently in Kaminey Guddu say “Ch ch ch ch ch” Police inspector says “Tiya. Haan, hum hain”

    b) A:”Why did the rabbit die ? It was choo cute.” B: (offering A his/her shoulder to rest on): “Its going to be alright honey. It’s ok.”
    Specific instance: Mungaru Male. The couple before me was coochicooing way too loudly.

    • The rabbit dying seems to be a sore point with most people. Some people still cant reconcile with the fact that
      [SPOILER]

      The hero does not end up with the heroine.

      [END SPOILER]

  3. Great post! I am glad I asked about the kid-appropriateness of K.

    In fact I felt exactly the same way when we saw so many kids and teens tittering away during Dostana- how do their parents reconcile to these perverted jokes that K-Jo unleashes? Are these kids expected to learn about their own budding sexuality through such fare??

    Rant aside, this was a fun read with me nodding along through most of it. 🙂

  4. That reminds me, during “The Hangover”, the seat next to us was occupied by two old ladies. One in her sixties and the other in her late seventies. And they were cracking up for every joke.

    When the movie ended, the older of them needed help down the stairs! Such love for cinema!!

  5. Parents,
    You can make them watch tata sky kid programes at home. Its fun you know. They will learn faster there and not in a theater, if you are already worried about their future.

    PS: The guy who took his picture using his phone-camera, his image looked like an absolute turtle to me. Your next blog should be on the funny stuff people do inside a theater. Wasn’t he wearing his sunglasses?

  6. […] People @ the movies: One of my personal favorite […]


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